Tuesday, September 27, 2005
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My leave could not have come at a better time! Waah. So this is how being completely inefficient feels. How awful. I feel useless. Even if it's for a measly three days, I need a break. Seriously I have to go or stay away from work or else I will snap! I mean it. I can only take so much at a time and I think I'm at that point of breaking down, freaking out or doing what it is I do when I am ready to just give it all up, which is usually nothing. Sigh. Well, off to Bohol tomorrow! :) Boo to all the evil vibes. I'm leaving all the stress in Manila.
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Monday, September 26, 2005
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Uh oh, I think I might be coming down with something. I have a sore throat and am feeling quite cold. Oh dear, I hope it doesn't get worse. It's going to be a drag, if ever. I'm going to bundle myself up when I go to sleep tonight.
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Sunday, September 25, 2005
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Nothing perks me up more after a toxic (too toxic to the point of distraction over the weekend, but obviously I can't do anything about it) week than meeting up with an old friend. Met up with Tessa yesterday just to hang out and plan the week ahead *whee*. We just hung around, talked about our respective careers (wah), future plans (travel, travel, travel when we can afford it, marriage and relationships - no, not immediately), old friends (miss everyone!) and so on and so forth. I miss my college friends! Last Thursday, I got into a loooong text conversation with one of my long lost high school friends. I digress: I realized I do have a lot of long lost friends. But that's okay. I mean, my friends coming back into my life is great! Old friendships resurfacing are pleasant surprises that remind me of who I was and who I am. J knew about my peanut butter addiction and supplied me with recipes of peanut butter pastries, we wrote long letters to each other (high school days!), gave me lyrics to songs and tolerated my silly jokes. She updated me on her life--something not very easy via SMS, but I couldn't call her since I was at work--and sigh, I am such a delinquent friend for not being with her and all that. I just feel bad that her life seems super hard lately, but she's coping well and I told her I'll keep her in my thoughts and prayers. J asked me also about our other kabarkadas. Strange how we've lost touch with each other. Me, especially, I lost everyone's numbers when my phone and sim card of six years got stolen (no, I haven't moved on yet and yes, it's my fault I never really took the time out to update my paper phone book). Anyway, I told her this guy friend of ours got married already, so did G and so on. It's always marriage! Marriage is the big thing to report. Gah, we're at that age already. Marriage, kids, settling down. I still marvel at how people my age think of what I consider "big things"... but then I realize my biggest problem is usually my career and my life's direction and that's a pretty big thing in itself. Oh. I had another haircut last week. I really hated how my hair was growing out from my August haircut and so I went to my brother's stylist to repair my hair. I was apprehensive about being made okray my hair though. Haha, I hate my hair's texture, especially after all the treated part was cut off. My hair's shorter than usual, but I just want it to grow out nicely again. I was looking through my old pictures from last Christmas, last May and the like and I realized I miss my long hair! I miss flipping it over my shoulder (arte!). It was the longest in my life. Boo hoo. Strange thing pala happened yesterday, while I was in Penshoppe with Tessa. While she was in the fitting room and I was standing outside, waiting for my turn, there was a woman and her teenage daughter waiting for their turn on other stall with jeans. I thought nothing about them and was asking Tessa if the clothes fit, etc. Oddly, the woman started a conversation with me. Woman: Miss, alam mo ba kung saan pwede bumili ng Birkenstocks? Me: (she's talking to me? Obviously, she's looking at me) Umm, I think you can buy that at Francesco. They usually carry Birks. Woman: Saan yun? Anak, sa Francesco daw! Daughter looks curiously at me and seemed like she wanted to say something. Me: It's in the other building. (I almost said, the "funner building". And why Birks? So specific. I also realized Tessa kept quiet. She told me later on she getting amused already.) Woman: Eh saan pwedeng bumili ng Lacoste? Me: The other building too. It's in the same building as Francesco. Second floor, I think. They're facing each other, the store selling shirts and accessories. I'm not sure lang if they carry Birks in the department store. (I have no idea) At that point, Tessa came out and I went in to try on the clothes I got. When I got out, Tessa asked me how the clothes fit and I was like, so-so, will think about it--and the woman was still looking at us (she wanted to ask something more maybe?). I found that completely strange, I mean, I do not look like a rabid shopper, do I? I haven't been to Mega in ages so I'm not that sure if Francesco's still open (is it? I didn't notice), but I'm sure of Lacoste since Tessa and I passed by it earlier. We found it odd, but oh well. No harm done. I'm just not accustomed to strangers chatting me up like that.
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Friday, September 09, 2005
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Previous post reminded me of this quotation I read before that went something like we are essentially alone and have no one to depend on but ourselves. I don't recall who said that, but I thought it was really sad. Hay. I just remembered it because I'm sooo upset about so many things and I feel alone. Anyway, whatever. Bahala na. I think I'm just in one of my moods, plus I'm making a big deal over everything. I think I was different today because my friends looked completely bewildered about my reactions. I don't think they've ever seen me that way: almost on the edge--and I hardly let myself go. Bad day, I told them. Everything has just been upsetting me lately. And the more I keep it in, I feel like I'm suffocating. Sigh. As what I received in my e-mail today: Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to see life beyond the imperfections. So, don't say you're happy because everything is alright. Be happy because everything sucks but you're just fine... -- Anonymous I'm trying to be positive. Really. Maybe tomorrow.
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Wednesday, September 07, 2005
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Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. And because curiosity got the better of me, I discovered some things that I wasn't really supposed to know. In a way, I sort of knew it all along. Big blow to my self-esteem confirming it. I'm sensitive like that. I may be dense in some areas, but I can tell if something is different. But I know myself. I will not do anything except stay away. What else can be done anyway? I always knew that this was going to be difficult and that I have to go about this gently. And I did. Now, I don't know, I guess I brought this upon myself--the guilt, frustration, embarrassment (okay not really)--by just finding out something I was not supposed to. Sigh. But at least, now I know how to act and how to move on. It seemed too good to be true anyway. It's also a sign for things to come, I guess. This has helped me make up my mind about stuff that's been bugging me for quite some time already. Wah.
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