Sunday, May 29, 2005
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While I was having my nails done the other day, who should be placed diagonally across me but this woman who used to have my dream job (I forget where she is now, but in the same industry and company still, I think). I had the opportunity to work with her years ago, but I turned it down (*hits head on the wall*--haha, I sort of got over it already, but I doubt if I would have been taken in as well. But I never will know now) for something else. Goodness, what I would do to take back that chance! I was actually contemplating going up to her and asking if she still remembered me (fat chance of that) and beg to take me in. Freaky, right? I'd be disturbing her 'me' time, plus a strange girl chatting her up in the middle of her Vogue and pedicure? Scary. Anyway, I'm not sure if I still want to work in that industry. It is (was?) my biggest dream in high school and college and then all of a sudden, poof. I'm not sure now. Is it a sign? I mean, seeing the personification of my dream job on the day before a new year for me... I try not to overthink again.
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Wednesday, May 25, 2005
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Happily, my ratty old comfy jacket was returned to me by my officemate. I'm still bitter over my phone, but whatever. Everyone still asks me about it. Still strangely nonchalant. I'm weird like that. I got a vote of confidence today which confirmed my suspicions about what I should be doing. It's been the same things that were said to me almost three years ago. It all depends on me now. I just find it strange that I'm not doing anything about it. But you know what, what I was told today really lifted my spirits--although it didn't guarantee anything afterwards, I think if people can sense and see things about you, then it's true. It really really depends of me now and if I can muster enough courage. Whoosh. So there, that's my prayer now for courage and prudence. I don't like kase my confused, go-with-the-flow-for-now self right now. I feel stuck, which I must've been complaining about for years now. We always say we have to do something, but it's always scary. Well, it's that leap my friend April and I have always been talking about. She was able to do it, now I guess it's my turn. As we always talked about, these decisions and challenges we're facing will help us know ourselves more and make us stronger. I just wish I knew when I can do it. I mean, I've always known what I've wanted but growing up has made me disillusioned about it, so I'm seeking other options. I'm sort of lost now so I don't know what to do anymore. Sigh. I really wish I knew how it will turn out in the end! But I know the lesson (and the fun) is in the journey... so we shall see. Good luck to me.
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
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Senti me I got my friend G's wedding invite last week... waah! I actually began to cry! I've known her since we were nine--we were classmates--but became really good friends when we were ten-eleven. I like to think we had a friendship that anyone needed when they were growing up. Being in the tweens is such an awkward stage and our friendship helped me through it. We sort of lost touch in college... but amazingly met up after college and revived our friendship. :) Now she's getting married! She's the second of our tight trium virate to get married! How exciting. I'm just so sentimental because... we really are growing up. We've come a loooong way from the days we would spend talking about the strangest and philosophical things in the musty corners of the LRC, creating shadow puppets, swimming in Valle (hay, we have so many memories together! I must've documented in in so many journals. Even if there were a lot of fun memories, there were difficult things, too. But I think all that made our friendship and each other stronger) to... growing up, getting married (them), careers, life. Gosh. Strange how things move so fast without us really noticing it. Mad! Why can't you keep your word? I've been carrying this for more than a month now. Then again, I'm more mad at myself because I haven't learned my lesson. Fudge. Came across this... Interesting thread in PEx. I've seen this also while reading blogs. Not good. :(
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Saturday, May 07, 2005
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Well. My friends are in Puerto Galera, my family's in the province and I am all alone at home with Allan Folsom's latest (he publishes a book every four years or so but the wait is worth it as his books never disappoint) as my companion. Sigh. I am home because of work! Plus I have work tomorrow. This is so sad. And because I am alone, I get to brood--something which I have mastered because I do spend a fair amount of time alone. I have time to think about why my phone was stolen... although I've been doing some sleuthing on my own plus the security in the office has been quite helpful (I have suspects! I want to confirm my suspicions even if I do not know who they are personally. Just names. My other officemates also have suspects). Was it because I was bad? Or wrong timing lang talaga? I'm back to using my beloved old phone. :) I miss having a camera in my phone though. Sigh. I know, this is all very shallow and worse things could've happened but I'm still frustrated and upset at how fast everything was. I haven't even used my phone for a year! Plus I am such a sentimental packrat, memorable messages and numbers are gone forever. Crap, I'm getting depressed again. Anyway. Today at work my jacket is now missing! I leave the office for two days and my jacket is missing. I leave the office longer than two days and my jacket is still there. So many signs. Everytime I go to the office I get cross not only because of my phone or my jacket or of so many things, but because I'm also mad at someone. Seriously. Oh dear. All angst and anger. This is not good, but in a way, therapeutic. I just wish everything would turn out okay. I feel sad, angry, frustrated, scared, depressed, but strangely nonchalant about things. It's like I want to go away and let everything just go back to normal. Strange how all these things are probably my wake up calls for some changes and decisions. Like I should move on from all those stuff I kept in my phone. And maybe I should step back and look at the big picture instead of being so self-centered and careless lately. Sigh. It's a start.
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Thursday, May 05, 2005
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Packer! Someone stole my phone! In the office! To think I was gone for only a few moments, someone was seated beside me and over the bakod. No one noticed anything. Why me??? Just when I was starting my "austerity measures". I never did anything to attract attention for someone to get my phone. My phone's not completely new nor is it the latest one. People have said she might have been watching me already that day... crap. I am strangely nonchalant about it--maybe because it hasn't completely sunk in yet. People in the office were so nice about it, from calling the security to searching the office, letting me text so I could be picked up, to chasing the suspect downstairs (thanks, Ninno!), to welcoming me to the club to stolen cellphone casualties. Strange how the suspect changed her tactics by stealing on a Wednesday (she usually steals on a Monday) and how she stole from my side of the floor (the regular victims are seated in what we call Siberia). So I assume she's going to be absent today. The shock still hasn't hit me yet. Although my friends insist that it will come soon, it slowly getting to me. It was my birthday gift from my dad last year, my BKK phone. Sigh. I really hate the inconvenience of losing numbers, messages, the SIM card I've had since 1999... Argh. Okay, worse things could've happened, I'm just nanghihinayang about it, the fact that she got away with it again... All I can think of is that she'll get karma na lang. Sigh. * * * Beach Dreaming This should've been posted last weekend yet, but I was waiting for pictures (thanks Anch!). I haven't uploaded my pictures as well, but it's not as much as Anch's.  I have been beach dreaming ever since my friends have been inviting me to go to the beach. What with the oppressive heat of summer and a pale, unhealthy look to me, I realized I do need to get out in the sun at least once!So I took the girls up on a beach outing last Saturday. We (Anch, Trina and Gres) went to Punta Fuego for a day trip. It was fun--I have never actually been to the beach with my friends (excluding the last time in Subic but that didn't really count because it was not in a beach beach plus it was other things aside from the beach. Trust me, I felt like all life form was gone from the water in Subic). We stayed out in the sun, something I have never done before. I tried making my upper arms tan evenly with my forearms--five years in sleeves can do that to you--but I ended up with a nasty sunburn on my shoulders which still hurt until now.  In the afternoon, we went around Punta Fuego, drooling over the lovely houses. I swear, a house by the sea is incredibly beautiful, if a bit melancholy. The houses along the cliff appealed to my dramatic senses, with the sound of waves hitting the rocks and the gentle breeze blowing. Loved it. If only I was well off enough to have a pretty house by the sea...Later on, we went swimming in the Infinity Pool (love it even if the water was sooo warm. It was cooler making damba on the ledge). I realized I can't swim that well anymore. :( Must be the years I spent away from the water. When I was a kid, I enjoyed swimming. Now I can hardly swim or hold my breath. Too bad. Later on, we had dinner in Tagaytay with Trina's parents. Super cold in Tagaytay, completely opposite of the weather earlier! But it was a nice, low key ending to a rather hyper day. * * * Other stuff 1. The Swishy Girls at the beach - Anch & I were watching these three girls in their bikinis stand in knee deep water and just swish the water. That was it. What was their point? I have no idea. They just swished the water under the hot sun. Beyond us why they didn't get into the water to cool off. Huh. 2. Kikay Girls - Well, my brother was right that you can feel so poor sometimes there. Goodness. There were these girls which we assumed were high school-college age and the way they carried on was like... well, rich kids. I remember when I was that age, I don't think I was like that. It was grating though to hear them talk about the latest gimmicks. Grr. 3. Fun trip down memory lane - outings, road trips with my friends always mean reminscing on college days. :) Especially with a CD playing songs from our college days! Haha how fun! 4. Christmas gift giving - I know! Four months after Christmas! 5. "Ever After" by Bonnie Bailey was our LSS/theme song. Finally! 
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Sunday, May 01, 2005
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They're dating?! Whoa. I like Katie. But I find it strange, dating Tom. Anyway. I can't quite believe it's May already. Almost half the year and my plans are sooo delayed. Nyarks. I'm not so sure about so many things already. Oh well. Again, I don't like thinking about it so much. The past few weekends have been fun, though! Moony concert last week and then the beach with friends. Ugh, I feel this is my only semblance of life for the rest of the year, I'm back to being a zombie, ranting about the futility of life and obsessing over TV (American Idol. Yes. I have no other life). :P Gag. Drama, but true. Ohhh. I didn't know they were making a movie on the Traveling Pants. Loved the book (something I bought on a whim). Hope the movie will live up to the book--I cry every time read it. I'm so sappy that way. I figured Alexis Bledel would be "beautiful Lena". I don't know who the other actresses are, but I really hope the movie will do justice to the book.
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