Pondering Lifetimes

Friday, October 24, 2003

My one year of servitude (I picked up that phrase from "The Devil Wears Prada") is over and all I can think of is... Can I move on now?

The year flew by and the main thought that has been looming over my head is what my next step should be. I think I need a freaking career change. I cannot imagine moving on in a banking/financial institution. I never thought that I would even last the year. By my fifth month, at the near end of my project hire contract, I was wondering what would happen next--and now, the end of my first year and all I can think of is, bahala na. Well, that's a part of me. The other part wants to move on, but I don't know where to go. It scares me where to go next because I could be giving up a lot of other things. I'm scared to take other risks because I'm afraid of making the same mistakes I did before before yet (take note, still can hardly get over. I'm that weird).

Sometimes I think I want to stay. Everything is great so far--okay, so maybe I get so traumatized because of the sudden changes, but that's part of life at work. I try to imagine, what if I become a super (hee, that's a long shot and three to four years yet--provided I have a good record, eek. It's not easy!) and it looks interesting. Or maybe I move on to a department more my liking (business development? Marketing?). But I really don't know if I have the will to stay. Days like today (my anniversary indeed!) remind me that this job is awfully difficult and sometimes, feeling ko talaga it's not worth it. *sigh*

I'm so confused right now. I'm taking it a day a time, but it's still overwhelming trying to take big and baby steps to make my future what I want it to be.

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On the teeny bopper side of me today, I was so embarrassed because it was only me and Crushable in the pantry today. Oh dear. Wala, I just shoved my half-eaten Capuccino Cake (my treat for a happy anniv) into the fridge and left. The cake to be eaten later on instead. Am so pathetic. I don't think I could stand snacking with Crushable. I don't think I would've eaten a thing anyway. Ugh, I really should stop mooning over him.

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Background noise: News about the aspiring presidentiables. Ugh. I hate listening/watching the news or reading the papers--useless politicking gives me a headache. I don't see the point of these politicians.

What makes people think an actor is fit to run a country? By the characters he plays? Uh-huh.

Posted at 11:20 PM |

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